Nesting

My life is pretty much focused on getting ready for the tour, the planning, the list making, the logistics of getting to and from everywhere to everywhere else. And the training, always the training.

So I find myself wondering occasionally....why am I putting up blinds in the guestroom instead of riding the trainer?  Why am I sorting out knitting projects and organizing them into bins instead of riding outside (well, the 18mph winds had something to do with that one).  Why does buying my long coveted yellow flannel sheets seem more important than doing strength exercises?  

There's more, but you get the idea.  Some of the women are going all out with training and sometimes it makes me feel guilty, like I should be doing more of that too.  It isn't that I don't think it's a good idea, it's not even that I don't want to do it.  It's more than that.

Bringing my life into balance has been a long time coming and not always an easy journey.  A demanding career, raising a family, then serious health issues in the family took priority for a long time.  The first five years after I retired there wasn't much time for figuring out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.  Then going back to work for a few years delayed the process even longer.  After that, there were some years of exploring a variety of enthusiasms.  Knitting, spinning, weaving and then cycling were, and are, a part of all that.  

Somewhere along the way, I lost track of my home, my house.  It was constantly being rearranged to suit various and sundry needs, but never seemed to get put back together very well.  It was getting away from me.  Finally I hired Kim, wonderful Kim, and slowly, she and I are working our way through the clutter and neglect to the home that lay underneath.

THAT is why I am putting up blinds, and fluffing pillows and ordering sheets.  That is why I am making time for friends.  It's why I am refinishing a chair - right next to the temporarily idle trainer.  I am learning to make a whole life, a life and a home that I want to come back to when the tour is over.  It's part of the reentry process and it's all good.